


Its you, it always has been

by brenforelsket



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:26:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29191503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brenforelsket/pseuds/brenforelsket
Summary: tumblr prompt request "It's you, it always has been."
Relationships: Erwin Smith & Reader, Erwin Smith/Reader
Kudos: 43





	Its you, it always has been

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr prompt request "It's you, it always has been."

“You know, Marie says you’ve been coming to this bar for a long time, since you were a wee cadet,” you tease Erwin, who is sitting in front of the bar while you pour drinks behind it. 

You probably shouldn’t tease the Commander of the Survey Corp right to his face, even if it’s been like this ever since he first wandered back into the bar a year ago when he first made Commander. But he doesn’t seem to mind, he never does and it was more harmless flirting than actual teasing, something you’re sure he gets a lot. How could you not flirt with him though? He was tall and handsome, with beautiful blue eyes you could, and often did, get lost in. 

He chuckles lowly and crosses his arms before resting them on the counter in front of him. “It’s true. Marie's husband and I came here often as cadets”

“That was a long time ago,” you say playfully before walking away with a tray full of beer for another table, you quickly make your way back to the tall blonde. “We don’t see you often around here anymore though.” you try to play it off cool but you are absolutely pouting. When he first started coming back into the bar, he came by at least once a week when he wasn’t on expeditions but despite him being home this entire time, it’s the first time you’ve seen him in a month.

He looks tired, more so than most days; his eyes darker than normal and his posture screams his body is exhausted, even his normally styled to perfection undercut is a little out of place.

“Are you okay Erwin?” you ask sincerely.

His eyes soften at the mention of his name and he looks at you with a closed smile before speaking. “Work has been exhausting and we’re heading out again soon but preparations are not going well.”

Without thinking you reach across the bar and place your hand on his arm, rubbing your thumb along a vein going down his forearm. “If anyone can get it figured out, I know it’s you.” you assure him sweetly.

He looks down at your hand on him, your touch so gentle against his rough and tired body. “Thank you Y/n.” He even starts to sound exhausted.

It’s then you realize what you’re doing, that you’re actually touching him and you quickly pull away your hand as heat rises to your face. 

“Stay right here,” you demand before making your way quickly into the kitchen, to actually do something meaningful and continue to hide your blushing face.

He does as you say, even though he should probably get back to his office and start again on the endless paperwork that piles up on his desk. 

He can’t help but chuckle at the loud bangs and noises you make from the back kitchen or when you pop your head out to tell him you need just another minute. 

“Okay! Sorry for the wait.” you finally emerge from the back, hair a little messier than before, a delicious smell following behind you. “I promise it was worth the wait.” You place down a neatly wrapped box in front of him. “Freshly made dinner, with a little extra something. It’s on me, as long as you promise to start taking better care of yourself like sleeping when you’re tired.” 

Your face is unamused, you know he takes shit care of himself and you're always happy to help out but you aren’t around nearly enough to make a difference, though you wouldn’t mind being around him more often. 

“I’ll try to get some sleep tonight but please let me pay for this.” he places his hands on the box and the warmth radiating off of it has him excited about what’s inside. 

“Absolutely not.” you cross your arms and shake your head. “Now go home, eat and get some rest.”

“Y/n, this smells like meat, I can’t let you pay for th-” he tries to object but you quickly interrupt.

“Commander Erwin Smith, I am ordering you to go home, have dinner and rest.” You come around the bar and place your hands on his upper back, encouraging him to stand from the stool and begin to push him towards the door playfully. “No arguing.”

When you’re out of the bar, standing in the doorway, Erwin in the street, he turns to you with a tired but big smile on his face. “Thank you for dinner. I will be coming back to pay for it later.” 

“You will not. Now get out of here, that's an order.” you laugh and shoo him away with your hand.

Still facing towards you, he takes a step back and away from you and waves with his free hand. “I’ll see you later Y/n.”

You wave goodbye and turn back into the bar. You didn’t want him to leave, not when you hadn’t seen him in so long and you were sure he wasn’t actually going to rest and he’d go back to work instead but even if it was expensive, you were glad you could at least give him a nice meal.

***

You find him waiting at the bar for you when you arrive for the evening shift a week later. It’s unusual for him to be at the bar so early in the evening but you’re glad he's here and he looks- not well rested but better than before. 

“Good evening Commander,” you greet him with a smile as you put your apron on. “What can I get you?”

“Actually,” he rubs the back of his neck. “I’m not here for a drink or food.”

“Oh?”

“I came to you see.”

You feel your cheeks getting pink and your heart start to race. To see you?

“Well, we’re leaving tomorrow. I wanted to come say goodbye.”

“Oh.” Your heart drops, you would normally be plenty excited to hear that Erwin wanted to see you but you never liked goodbyes, especially not when it’s being treated like a last goodbye.

His face is serious and stoic but it softens when his eyes meet yours.

“You know,” you make your way around the bar and sit on the stool next to him, placing your elbow down and resting your head on your palm, looking into his bright blues. “I’ve never liked goodbyes. How about you stay for a drink, and you’ll see me later?”

“I actually can’t stay. There’s still a lot to be done before tomorrow,” he says as if he’s just as disappointed as you are.

“Alright.” You pout and stand up from your seat. “But none of this goodbye crap. You will be coming back into this bar and ordering another drink from me.”

“I will,” he chuckles and stands facing you. 

Neither of you speak or move for a moment, your anxieties growing in your stomach as you realize, he may not be coming back and it might hurt more than just another customer passing away. 

His fingers touching your face draws you from your thoughts as he moves a stray hair from your face to behind your ear slowly, looking at you with an expression you can’t quite make out but it’s soft and comforting all the same. 

“I’ll see you later Y/n.”

***

You think about that day a lot and what it made you realize about your true feelings for the Commander. You’ve been in worried agony ever since and it’s been a long wait but the Scouts were due home tomorrow and you knew you were going to see Erwin walk through the bar doors again and when he did, you were going to do something about how you felt.

A week and a half passes since the Scouts return but Erwin hasn’t shown up. You’re more irritated than worried; if he were dead or severely injured, this whole side of town would have heard about it by now so he wasn’t coming for other reasons but you had been building up all this courage every day, getting ready to tell him how you feel, just to have him not even show up.

You weren’t going to wait any longer.

You rush home after your shift and change into your favorite outfit, it’s nothing over the top but it gives you an extra boost of confidence. You stop by a bakery in your neighborhood and grab some pastries before making your way to Erwin's office.

Your heart races as you arrive in the courtyard but remember you actually have no idea where Erwin's office is. Having no other choice but to ask a pair of soldiers for directions, they kindly offer to walk you there but they look incredibly shocked at your question and you start to wondering if this is a good idea.

You can’t get your heart to calm down as they lead you down the corridor, was this a good idea? Had you really thought this through? What if he didn’t feel the same?

It’s too late to turn back when the Scouts let you know which office is his and you lightly knock on the door despite your growing anxieties.

“Come in.” Erwin voice commands and you slowly open the door. 

He doesn’t look up from his papers until he realizes it’s been silent for too long since the door closed. You’re worried to interrupt him and scared that you could very well be rejected right here and now, but his face lights up when he realizes it’s you and you’re finally able to speak. 

“Erwin, I’m glad to see you’re okay.” You let out a sigh of relief as the realization he is okay lifts a weight off your chest. 

“Y/n,” he smiles wide as he says your name and gets up from his chair, making his way over to you. “I’m sorry I haven’t come by, things around here have been b-”

“Busy,” you chuckle, knowing full well how much the military demands of him. “I brought these for you.” You hand him the small pastry box and his free arm comes around you, his hand landing on your upper middle back.

“Thank you, you’re so thoughtful. I’m happy to see you, come in.”

“I-I’m sorry for bothering you while you’re busy with- commanding,” you let out a nervous chuckle. “I actually wanted to talk to you ab-”

The door swings open and a loud brunette woman with glasses bursts through the door, it’s a familiar face, someone Erwins brought to the bar before although not recently and you can’t recall much about her. “Erwin! Perfect, you’re here.” She doesn’t see you and abruptly grabs onto Erwin and you quickly move out of the way. He looks as surprised as you do. “Come with me, I have something very exciting to show you!” She laces her arm through his and with her quick and jumpy pace, they’re out the door quickly, leaving you alone in his office.

You don’t linger and immediately head for home, telling yourself how bad of an idea that was and try not to jump to conclusions about what you just witnessed. The brunette seemed... friendly with Erwin and you guessed by the fact she called him by his first name and not Commander, she wasn’t his subordinate. But then what did that mean, he didn’t wear a ring so you were fairly certain he wasn’t married, his girlfriend maybe? 

That is what you convinced yourself by the next day, after you had all night to sit and overthink about it. He even seemed shocked that she was there, how could that not have been because he didn’t want you seeing her or vise versa. He never seemed like the player type but did you actually know that? 

He shows up at the bar right as you’re leaving after closing up. You are not in the mood to talk, it’s late, your patience is already thin and you’ve had too much on your mind.

“Y/n, I’m sorry about yesterday. I can expl-” 

“Don’t Erwin, I think I know what I saw and I’m not really in the mood to talk about it so I’d just like to go home.” You start to walk away from the bar and head home. 

He seems genuinely confused. “Wait, what do you think you saw?”

Your patience snaps and you whip around to face him. “Are you serious? I saw that other girl- the one you’ve brought into the bar before, your girlfriend probably, all over you and then you just left me alone in your office! And it sucked when I was coming there to tell you-” wait you didn’t want to tell him that “-nevermind. I don't appreciate you trying to come onto me or letting me look like a fool flirting with you while you have a girlfriend or whatever.” you try to turn but Erwin grabs onto your arm gently. 

He's laughing lightly and it only fuels your anger. “Don’t laugh at me, I feel stupid enough thinking you might have feelings for me too but for you to just laugh-

“She is not my girlfriend,” he interrupts quietly. “Hange is one of my squad leaders and a long time friend, that’s all.”

“I don’t need your pity Erwin, I get it.”

“No y/n.” He says seriously and you finally start to believe him, he can see it in your eyes and he pulls you closer, looking down into your sparkling orbs. “It’s you, it always has been.” His arm around you pulls you closer into his chest and you feel your knees get weak as your bodies touch, sending electricity throughout you. “I wasn’t sure if you were only flirting or actually had feelings for me too until now.” His free hand comes up to your face and his larger fingers caress your face gently before moving through your hair to support the back of your head. 

He lingers above you but you can’t wait another second. You bring your hands to cup his jaw and bring his face down to you, capturing his lips in a passionate kiss, his arm around you is the only thing keeping you upright as you melt under his touch. 

You both only pull away when you need air but he doesn’t go far, bent over with his forehead on yours, fighting for breath. 

“I.. do owe you.. An apology for last night.” he pants but catches his breath quickly. “I shouldn’t have let Hange drag me off when you had come all that way to see me. Please let me make it up to you, dinner? Tomorrow?”

“I’d love that.” you move your hands to the back of his neck. “I owe you an apology too. I shouldn’t have assumed-”

“Shh, you have no reason to be sorry. Just kiss me.”

You don’t need any persuading.

**Author's Note:**

> mbr tumblr requests are open if you'd like to request something! :) it is under the same url


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